Fri. Jan 18th, 2019
Bathroom Breakdown

#TruStory: Bathroom Breakdown

Have you ever shit yourself as a grown adult?

About two months ago my best friend got a promotion at work and wanted to go out to celebrate. Naturally, I said yes, picked out a cute outfit, and was ready to hit the town. We started at a tapas bar for some light appetizers and a couple cocktails.

After finishing our meal, we decided to try this new spot, which was a swanky little cocktail bar about 3 blocks away. While on the walk, I felt my stomach start to turn a bit. I thought maybe it was just the food and drink settling and it would pass.

As we get closer to our location, it becomes more clear that this feeling is not going to pass and instead it was going to quickly become an emergency. I tell my friend I have to use the restroom, REALLY BADLY, and so we both start walking a little quicker.

When we get to the bar, I make a run for the bathroom. It’s at the back of the building and I had to struggle through a small crowd to get there. At this point, I’m clenching for my life.

I get the bathroom, attempt to open the door and realize it’s locked. JUST MY LUCK! The bathroom is a ONE person, unisex bathroom. As I’m waiting for whoever is in the bathroom, I start to sweat just ever so slightly on my forehead. Every second feels like a decade. I honestly start to feel a bit dizzy because now at this point, I’m fairly confident I’m going to shit myself.

In order to distract myself, I keep my head on a swivel, looking at other people and things on the wall; anything to distract myself from the fact I could quickly become a grown ass adult who shits herself in the hallway of a bar. This distraction plan backfires when the man who was in the bathroom, BURSTS OUT THE DOOR, startling me, and in turn causing me to shit my pants.

Yes, I shit my pants directly outside the bathroom, at a bar that only has one bathroom. So what did I do?

Went into the bathroom, tried to clean myself up, threw out my underwear, wiped the under carriage, and got back out there. I drank one drink commando at the bar hoping I didn’t smell like a pile of poop and then politely excused myself and retreated home.

So here I am, just a grown ass adult, talking about the time I shit myself.