Divorces can be messy, ugly affairs. They tear families apart, break down dreams that you may have had for the future, devastate your finances and even ruin your credit rating in some cases.
Some people lose friends over a divorce, and others have their relationship with their children impacted in some way.
Few who have endured a divorce will tell you
that the process was pleasant, and it is understandable that you may want to cast some blame for the state of your current life on your ex.
However, some exes have been able to maintain a friendship and have even maintained their status as best friends despite their divorce. The truth is that you actually can be friends with your ex, but it does take some work.
During the divorce, work to maintain a friendly relationship with your spouse by working together to divide the assets and to set up a fair custody arrangement for the kids. This process can be a nightmare to go through, and it is far easier to do if the two of you work together rather than against each other.
After the divorce is finalized, it is easy to fall into a state of only taking about the kids if you have kids. If you do not have kids, there may seemingly be no reason to talk to this person again.
However, if you truly want to be friends with your ex, you will need to nurture the relationship just as you would any other relationship.
You will need to make plans to see him or her on a friendly basis and just hang out.
One idea is to set up a regular lunch date every few weeks to touch bases and keep in touch. An alternative is a coffee date or something else just as casual.
It is important to remember that the marriage may have failed for whatever reason, but this is a person who you once loved deeply and who you wanted to devote your life to. It may sound like hard work to have a friendship with this person, but it actually may be easier to be friends with your ex than to deal with the emotions of never speaking to him or her again.
As a final note, however, remember that both parties will need to want the same type of friendship after the divorce for this to work, and both will need to actively work toward maintaining the friendship. This will not work if it is one-sided.